Tuesday, February 5, 2013

gloomy 2013

Salam..the clock showed 12.00 midnite...so stressed out or perhaps i stress myself out..

I am at my lowest peak right now..i hurt him...tears~
Ya Allah...apa ku dah buat ni..i am at dead end..i wish i can turn back time and slap the selfish me and ungrateful person..
ooo dear..finally it happen..this is the first time in 5 years relationship when u know someone really angry..
it is sad..tears drop~
when u can feel there's no more love in his voice, only angry and frustration..Ya Tuhan apa aku nak buat to make things back to normal..he asked me not to think about it but how can i do that, when i can feel there's no love or tender from u anymore..

i deserve this..how can i talk to someone which don't have the same passion as before..how hurtful..tears..
i miss him..but he's too far..his heart is farther to reach..i will lost him? tears...
it's my fault..i hurt him and hurt myself back..is this what i want? tears..
how i have changed a lot this 5 years to be someone so ungrateful, selfish, disrespectful for other..taking for granted what i have..

sebelum ni kalau ada masalah i always talk to him..a place to look after, a piece of mind which he'll give guided me..but now, i am ruin it..i have nobody to talk to..how can i ask him for advice if he don't want to listen with his heart content..how can i...

i always think about myself, how pity i am and the most unluckiest in the world..and because of that i forget others, the people around me, who love me unconditionally.. :(

Sayang...i am sorry

Monday, July 16, 2012

July 2012

This year is really the toughest year in my life..MasyAllah, aku jatuh dan bangun dari ujianNYa..begitu juga kehidupan yg slalu dilambung badai, tp masih kukuh berdiri..inilah kata pepatah, kalau berumah di tepi pantai akan slalu dilambung ombak..kalau xbertahan, maka hanyut dibawa ke laut..

Aku masih di sini..brapa kali cubaan hendak larikan diri dr segala permasalahan yg ada tp aku masih bertahan kerana dia..brapa bnyk cubaan yg Allah turunkan tp aku masih bertahan dan xputus2 memohon keampunan dariNya..

Ya Tuhan ampunkanlah dosaku,dosa dia, kaum kekeluarga kami, kawan2 kami...
kuatkanlah semangatku, berikanlah petunjuk dan Hidayah daripadaMU...
permudahkanlah urusan aku sehari2..

 Terima kasih dan syukur Ya Tuhan kerana menghantar dia kepdaku semasa susah semasa senang..bgn bersama..

Sunday, October 9, 2011


this will be my truly 'first' post for 2011...

i am sad n angry to myself..a lot of things happened this year, i'm not sure how i've gone through..tears,pain..so many broken hearts..

i hurt him a lots n i hurt myself a lots too..u see, ppl said how much did u love someone is the same price when u're getting the hurt n pains, well it's true..both of us really feel the pains now...

i become angrier than before, disgust, hateful n annoying...even i can't stand myself, i wonder how he still stand by me...i just couldn't control my emotion, feeling..i'm angry to myself, him the family..everybody...i just hate this place right, i just want to go away, left it behind n run to a place where i'm being love n wanted...

it's just too painful, i wonder if i can stand another year for it, i just don't know n i'm not sure...i become more tired and tired since the last 6 months, i just don't when my heart couldn't bear n stop..

he just continue to work work n work...someday he will not even realize that my love remain a few pieces left n then...puffff it's gone..i'm tired Ya Tuhan...i don't know what i'm waiting for, my life's too perfect that make everything look so boring n empty....

Ya Allah, lately i just can't control my angry, emotion, maknanya makin kurang ibadat ku pada mu...spiritual, kerohanian, keimanan makin lemah..i need ur guidance Tuhanku..kuatkanlah semangatku...jadikan aku setabah dulu,sentiasa gembira, tahan dan sabar segala ranjau yg dilalui...

hidupku baru bermula, Ya Allah..jauh lagi perjalananku..mudahkanlah jalanku, aku sentiasa mohon petujukmu, keampunanmu, keredhaanmu Ya Allah, Ya Rabbulalamin...

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

2011..year of planning and initiating

well...test2...haha, dah lama xpost dol...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Yeah (^_^)

It's all out...after I wrote it..

He's coming back today...looking forward to meet him soon.. (*_*)

owhh gosh..what should i do...happy2.. =)

he meant everything to me...

Year 2010..

It's been passed 18 days now from the New Year...well..apa yek azam tahun baru nih..

  1. Azam pertama dgn En.Fazli, we crea8 some sort of deal together...
  2. Nak kurus...ahahha..
  3. Nak beli barang rmh..hehehe tv, mesin basuh, peti ais, water heater..gler ar..
  4. Tambahkan amal ibadat...aminnn.
Tahun ni dh abes master..xbnyk benda nk buat, so kind of boring. En.Fazli kata better concentrate on our future together..nnt dh kawen then dah naik pangkat sket baru sambung belajar..teringin nk sambut kat luar, tp tgk la ada rezeki ke tak..

First day of new year..dh bergaduh dgn en.Fazli, agaknya mcmana utk the next 355 days nnt..last year sbb tgh study so, xfokus sgt relationship, tp tahun ni dh xblajar..i'm quite worried =( when i'm too into the relationship mcm2 i'll think of..kata perempuan mesti pk yg bukan2..harap dia dpt bersabar dgn karenah saya...hihihi

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Be or Not to be at Singapore

Well...I admit I'm not yet ready for this meeting.I've not finished my reading yet, plus when I'm supposed to discuss with my boss, he felt sick for a week...So, I came here half prepare, still a learner, observed the world plan for environment..waaaa...it's really technical, but i struggle to be among these people..

The meeting is Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation(APEC) Aviation Emissions Task Force (AETF) at Singapore Aviation Academy(SAA), near Changi. Still an interesting topic or area that I need to cover..wow really need a lot of study on this matter..huhuhu me covering the 44 post for substantial issues like environment, communicable disease, D-8 etc..the truth is I'm busy with my study, which it's in the final stage, but lot a lot of problem rise lately..so that's why,I'm trying hard, really hard to catch up everything, and this environment thing was left aside...

I wish i had more time to study this matter more...aiyoo..felt guilty :(

to My dearest Sayang...there's always up and down in our relaltionship. but most important is we get thru it together..ur weaknesses is my strength & my weakness is ur strength..love u much sayang..can't wait to see u again..